I am a creature of habit, and I like routines. Monday through Thursday, every week, I leave the house no later than 5:10 pm for the 6 pm WOD class. About 10 minutes away, my air pressure light came on and I watched in horror as the air pressure started to drop rapidly, 46-42-39-35-30 … by the time I rolled into the gas station parking lot the air pressure was down to 26 and I feared that I was damaging the rim.
I drove straight towards the air machine and as I walked around the car, and I can literally hear the air escaping the tire. A pit grew in my stomach as I leaned in to look at the piece of metal embedded in the outer tread, and I called the Hubs in a panic.
I looked warily at my watch and estimated that even if roadside service arrives in the next 30 minutes, I’d still miss class. The pit grew bigger and heavier as I reluctantly cancelled my class reservation. I internally berated myself for not taking the chance and drove to the gym to wait for roadside assistance while I was in class. But the air leak was so severe that I opted to sit baking in the sun for the next 90 minutes waiting for roadside assistance. I drove to Costco only to be told that the tire cannot be patched because it was a hook which was double punctured and because it’s AWD I must replace all four tires at the same time. I called the Hubs again in complete defeat.
***
Tuesday’s WOD was all cardio so my Nutrition Coach suggested maybe I would go to the gym to follow one of the lifting complexes in our gym app. Trying to desperately erase Monday from my memory I was bound and determined to do some lifting. I ran my usual mile and decided that I was going to work on my 1 rep max in the back squat. Looking at the 531 Strength app my 1 rep max from over a year ago was 139.5 lbs. I ended up with a new PR (Personal Record) of 160 lbs and it felt so amazing to log in the new 1 rep max into the app.
Wednesday’s WOD was my favorite lift, the deadlift. I looked forward to it all day! And it is completely bizarre to hear myself say that I was ‘looking forward to lifting’ but I was almost giddy. The deadlift is probably my most confident lift and every time I surpass my previous weight, I feel empowered, like I can do anything. Sort of a vicious cycle (a positive one), the more I can lift, the more confident I become, the more confident I become, the more I’m willing to try more weight.
The Strength was
- 5 Reps @ 75%
- 3 Reps @ 85%
- 1 Rep @ 90 %
- 5 Reps @ 80%
- 3 Reps @ 85%
- 1 Rep @ 95%+
every 3:00 minutes.
After the 1st round of 5-3-1 reps, I started to internally panic. The more I tried to calculate the total weight in my head, the more I became frazzled. All I could think about was how heavy it felt, how impossible it felt, there was no way I could lift anything heavier. Yes, my internal voice is a complete cunt.
My fabulous Nutrition Coach just happened to be coaching that night, and she asked where I was with the weight. “I have no idea. I stopped counting. I’m freaking out” I blurted out. She smiled and said something comforting I’m sure, but I couldn’t get out of my own head to hear it.
I had 45# & 15# on a 35# bar and my choice was to add a 2.5#, 5#, or 10#. Two silver plates and one black spread out over the gym floor waiting for a decision. I turned around watching the clock run down. ‘It’s only 1 rep’ I told myself sternly. I started to reach for the 2.5# & 5# while looking at the 10# plate, with one last look at the clock, I finally said ‘fuck it’ and added the 10# and hoped for the best.
I stepped up to the bar and avoided looking at the plates sitting on both ends. I shook my arms out nervously and looked at the clock counting down to the last lift. I bent over to grabbed the bar, I felt the weight in my hands, engaged my lats to form a straight back and wobblily push the floor away as hard as I could … it was all a blur after that.
The Coach calculated all the plates and announced that I had just lifted 175#! I’m sure my eyes got to the size of saucers, half in shock, half in complete disbelief. “How did that feel?” she asked. “It felt so heavy” I said but I really wanted to say ‘it felt out of my depth.’ She continued, “Well it’s supposed to, and you did it!”
***
It was certainly the polar opposite of how the week started and if my Coach hadn’t recorded the video I wouldn’t have believed it. It has been about 2-3 weeks since I really embraced what it means to ‘lift heavy.’ I took my monthly Fit3D scan and was disappointed to see that I had gained weight.
Emotionally, I started to obsessively go over my nutrition for the week and randomly bereted myself for eating this or that even though intellectually, I know that it’s not how nutrition works. By the time I got home, I ran to my laptop to look at the data to explain the weight gain. Yes, I am wounded a little tight.
To my great relief, everything is moving in the right direction. Not only did I lose fat, but I gained almost 3 lbs of lean muscles. All the hard work is starting to generate results, and this is also a vicious cycle. The more results I see the more motivated I am to continue to put in the work, and of course the more work I put in, the more results. It’s just a matter of getting over the hump of building out that foundation when a whole lot of work goes in, but no results are showing.
The Angry Typist 
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