The Angry Typist

Recently, I was notified that the coaching staff nominated me as the ‘Nutrition Client of the Month.’ Unlike being nominated for ‘Athlete of the Month’ – which I was like ‘heck yeah, I’ve earned it!’ But with ‘Nutrition Client of the month’ not only was I very apprehensive, perhaps even embarrassed.

***

Let me explain. Everything, and I do mean everything, I did which worked in my 30s & early 40s was no longer having any impact on that dreadful number on the scale. As a matter of fact, just the opposite happened – I steadily started to gain weight during perimenopause even though I faithfully attended 6-7 Orangetheory Fitness classes a week.  The realization that HIIT was probably not meeting my needs at this life stage gave me analysis paralysis. Intellectually I understood that I needed to substantially increase strength training, but emotionally, I was very comfortable doing HIIT with all my OJT friends which made it impossible to leave.  But there were just not enough hours in a week to fit in more OJT classes so after almost 2-years of research, I took the plunge to Crossfit.

Let’s just be clear, before Crossfit, I have never regularly lifted anything beyond a 35 lb bag of dog food. During Fundamentals (where new CF members gets a crash course in all the basic lifts & movement combinations one may have in a WOD (Workout of the Day) class), I was a little devastated to learn that my favorite ‘deadlift’ using dumbbells were only Romanian deadlift! Plates, barbell, dumbbell, kettlebell, there were just so many fucking ‘bells’ that I couldn’t remember what ‘bells’ went with what or the difference between a snatch to overhead squat or clean to overhead. It may all as well have been in French or worse, geometry! But I knew Crossfit was exactly what I needed so I pushed through my high degree of discomfort and finished Fundamentals.  I’m not sure what I was expecting but I think subconsciously probably thought that the extra weight would just melt off and magically be replaced with sexy, lean muscles. To my disappointment, no sexy or lean muscles replaced any fat but I did stop gaining weight (so small win).

After two years of religiously going to 4-5 Crossfit classes a week, I can see muscles peeking out from under all the menopause blubber but my menopause body refused to cooperate with my image of what I should look like now. Under normal circumstances, body recomposition is already a turtle-slow process. However, in menopause, it seems more to be a foregone failure before I even started. And if I am perfectly honest, I had enrolled in the Nutrition program as the absolute last resort. Since I considered myself to be well read, do a lot of research from credible sources, and have previously been successful in losing 40 lbs and had kept most of it off for well over 11 years, I did not have high expectations of what Nutrition coaching was going to teach me that I didn’t already know.

The amount of information I obtained with my 1:1 Nutrition Coach has been mind-blowing, ie. the ol’ ‘calories in – calories out’ rule of thumb no longer applied! Everything in menopause seems so obscenely complicated and drastically different, that it was an impossible landscape to maneuver on my own. There was a lot I had to internally reconcile before I could move forward (ie. sleep is important), and it was and still is an ongoing process I have yet to master. While new ways of fueling my body for what it needs now are becoming more effortless, I still faulter, get discouraged, and need the Nutrition Coach’s encouragement.

***

Which leads me back to my hesitancy of accepting the ‘Nutrition Client of the Month’ nomination … because I felt that I should have everything mastered to be worthy of such a title. Aware of my own continued struggles, I felt embarrassed that nutrition, sleep, lifting heavy is still not a seamless, effortless, second nature to me. However, I’ve been reading “Sam Briggs, Start Your Engines’ and it had finally dawned on me that Crossfit is not about mastering ‘everything.’ It’s more about the willingness to put in the work to be the best version of oneself and learning that it is entirely okay to lean on the community when we need help. My Nutrition Coach recently posted a photo of herself 5 years ago and it was bizarre to see her without her muscular toned arms. It was also confirmation that everyone started somewhere, and this is just my turn of getting there.