The Angry Typist

The sun beamed brightly through the blinds highlighting the white curtains still drawn to mitigate heat from escaping. After a Saturday night of heavy rain and thunderstorms Mother Nature had reinvented herself to a Sunday morning blizzard, freezing all the rain on the patio. Neither of the dogs seemed to mind slipping & sliding across the ice to reach the heavy wet snow covering the overgrown grass. They ran playfully from one side of the yard to the other. It brings me joy watching them prancing about with such delight.

It’s President’s Day and I am enjoying a day at home in complete silence. Both the Hubs and Thing 2 are at work and I am left with the dogs enjoying the space. Aside from the low hum of the Great Dane sleeping in the corner of the U-shaped sofa, the only audible sound was of my pen scratching against the tomoe river paper in my Hobonichi. This is my utopia. Silence.

Silence allows me to think & reflect. Silence allows me to enjoy the peace it offers. Silence recharges my soul.

I grew up in a New York Brownstone, filled with chaos – just reminiscing makes my heartbeat faster with angst. I was submerged in non-stop shouting, an occasional Chinese cleaver to bedroom doors, and much too many visits from the 107^th Precinct patrol car for yet another domestic disturbance.

Māmā and Gēge’s constant bickering, arguing, and screaming filled the Brownstone with animosity. The endless slamming of doors, the smashing of school projects and family heirlooms. The air filled with a stifling amount of anger, loss, and hopelessness was the life I knew, but visiting other people’s homes I also knew was not normal.

But the barrage of warzone like antics was my normal for the longest time, until it wasn’t. I joined the Army at age 17 not because I was patriotic or wanted to serve my country. It was a means of escape. A quest to find peace. An opportunity to belong.

Many books, shows, movies, preach about the importance of family above all else, even to one’s own detriment. However, I have concluded that to find happiness, to be happy, to stay happy, one must be willing to self-advocate, even when it counters the social obligatory norms.

Find your happy.